I can’t speak for the accuracy of these Goldwynisms, but Jesus, if only half of them are true at least that’s a majority! SAMUEL GOLDWYN QUOTES
Samuel Goldwyn (1882–1974) was an Academy Award and Golden
Globe Award-winning producer, also a well-known Hollywood
motion picture producer and founding contributor of several motion
picture studios. His inferior English language skills led to many of
his malapropisms, paradoxes, and other speech errors called
Goldwynisms. Having many writers in his employ, Goldwyn may
not have come up with all of these on his own:
“Keep a stiff upper chin.”
“In two words: im-possible.”
“Gentlemen, include me out.”
“They stayed away in droves.”
“Let’s have some new clichés.”
“There is a statue of limitation.”
“Tell them to stand closer apart.”
“Gentlemen, listen to me slowly.”
“That’s our strongest weak point.”
“A hospital is no place to be sick.”
“Modern dancing is old fashioned.”
“The harder I work the luckier I get.”
“I read part of it all the way through.”
“Flashbacks are a thing of the past.”
“You fail to overlook the crucial point.”
“I paid too much for it, but it’s worth it.”
“I have been laid up with intentional flu.”
“God makes stars. I just produce them.”
“Our comedies are not to be laughed at.”
“He treats me like the dirt under my feet.”
“You’ve got to take the bitter with the sour.”
“A bachelor’s life is no life for a single man.”
“If I look confused it’s because I’m thinking.”
“That’s the kind of ad I like, facts, facts, facts.”
“What we need now is some new, fresh clichés.”
“This makes me so sore it gets my dandruff up.”
“What nerve. Not even a modicum of originality.”
“You’ve got to take the bull between your teeth.”
“I had a great idea this morning, but I didn’t like it.”
“It’s absolutely impossible, but it has possibilities.”
“Never make forecasts, especially about the future.”
“A wide screen just makes a bad film twice as bad.”
“For your information, just answer me one question!”
“For your information, I would like to ask a question.”
“Give me a smart idiot over a stupid genius any day.”
“A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.”
“Every director bites the hand that lays the golden egg.”
“Plenty of room for a tiny brain and a huge ego, though.”
“Don’t worry about the war. It’s all over but the shooting.”
“Can she sing? She’s practically a Florence Nightingale.”
“If I could drop dead right now, I’d be the happiest man alive.”
“The trouble with this business is the dearth of bad pictures.”
“Don’t pay any attention to the critics — don’t even ignore them.”
“Put it out of your mind. In no time, it will be a forgotten memory.”
“I’ll take fifty percent efficiency to get one hundred percent loyalty.”
“I never put on a pair of shoes until I’ve worn them at least five years.”
“Color television! Bah, I won’t believe it until I see it in black and white.”
“We have that Indian scene. We can get the Indians from the reservoir.”
“Let’s bring it up to date with some snappy nineteenth century dialogue.”
“I don’t think anyone should write his autobiography until after he’s dead.”
“I’m willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.”
“Anyone who would go to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined!”
“Why did you name him Sam? Every Tom, Dick and Harry is named Sam!”
“Give me a couple of years, and I’ll make that actress an overnight success.”
“If I were in this business only for the business, I wouldn’t be in this business.”
“Go see that turkey for yourself, and see for yourself why you shouldn’t see it.”
“Pictures are for entertainment, messages should be delivered by Western Union.”
“When someone does something good, applaud! You will make two people happy.”
“That would doubtless be a dank and dark and a desolate and dreary place to dwell.”
“From success you get a lot of things, but not that great inside thing that love brings you.”
“I hate a man who always says yes to me. When I say no I like a man who also says no.”
“That’s the way with these directors, they’re always biting the hand that lays the golden egg.”
“I don’t want yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell the truth, even if it costs them their jobs.”
“I don’t care if it doesn’t make a nickel. I just want every man, woman, and child in America to see it.”
“Why should people go out and pay to see bad movies when they can stay home and see bad television for nothing.”
“True, I’ve been a long time making up my mind, but now I’m giving you a definite answer. I won’t say yes, and I won’t say no — but I’m giving you a definite maybe.”
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