Fire everybody!!!

A couple of weeks ago on Dodger Talk we got on the subject of how much angrier sports fans are in general these days. But we concluded that angry sportstalk radio seems to get ratings. So I decided to go that route. It also provided a way to get into a commercial I had to read.

Join me and get pissed!

Click To Play

You can hear podcasts of Dodger Talk here. Relive all your favorite wins and losses from the last week.

"You're canceled! Now get out!"

Would a weekend be complete without your questions and my attempt at answers?

willieb asks:

Any truth in those "everybody has a screenplay" stories ("My hairdresser/valet/dry cleaner gave me a screenplay to read")? Have you been bombarded with sample scripts? If so, what's the weirdest situation you've had to deal with?

I’ve received scripts at my high school reunion, I’ve told the story about getting pitched a movie while making funeral arrangements for my grandmother, and a couple of years ago one of the host helpers during my mother’s condolence wanted to pitch me a pilot idea. When I announced minor league baseball people would come up to the press box all the time with scripts. It's not like there was great security in ballparks in Rochester and Toledo. If someone had the lung capacity to climb those stairs they could get in.

A director I know was attending High Holiday services one year at his temple and a fellow congregate pulled a script out from under his prayer shawl.

I’m sure a few of the working writers who read this blog could weigh in with their own appalling stories.

Cap'n Bob Napier wonders:

I just saw a M*A*S*H episode written by MacLean Stevenson. When actors do this are massive rewrites usually required or are they pretty good to start with?

I don’t know about that particular episode but yes, massive rewrites usually are required. One reason: they often give 90% of the good lines to themselves. But in fairness, they’re not writers. If I were to suddenly have a big guest role in a MASH or CHEERS episode I’m sure I’d suck. I’m not an actor.

I will say this though, Alan Alda’s scripts were terrific and we changed very little.

From Steve:

On a show like Cheers, do the showrunners or writers know where they want their main characters to wind up by the end of the series (e.g., Sam & Diane will finally get and stay together), or is that unusual and more typically the story arcs are just thought of season by season, or even every few weeks?

First off, it’s unusual that shows are so successful that producers can determine when the series will end. Usually it’s America.

In the case of CHEERS, we always thought it would be great to bring Diane back for the finale but Shelley Long had to be available and agreeable to doing it. If she were in Norway making a movie we were shit out of luck.

If producers know where the finish line is they’ll usually work towards it in the final season. Sometimes it’s a five or six episode arc that leads up to the conclusion. For LOST it’s a three year arc.

I still think David Chase doesn't know how THE SOPRANOS end.

Some shows have built in endings. the war ends on MASH. And I would hope that on HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER? we would find out how the hell he did already.

A bigger question than what to do for the finale is how long the finale will be? Networks try to make huge events out of these and stretch them from a half hour to (if they had their choice) nine hours plus an intermission. This greatly affects the storytelling. MASH, CHEERS, FRASIER, FRIENDS, and SEINFELD were waaay longer than they needed to be but the networks got one last massive payday out of them. In my opinion, as good as all of them may have been, they would have been far better if they were only an hour.

Kudos to THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW, NEWHART, and EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND for ending their series with half hour episodes. For my money they’re three of the best finales ever. And that's one reason why.

My partner and I have had three series and none of them had a planned final episode. Once the network says, "You're canceled! Now get out!" that pretty much puts the kibosh on your glittering two hour finale. If we knew we were doing a last episode of ALMOST PERFECT the plan was to bring back all the characters from our other two series and end all three at once. Well, maybe when our next series is canceled.

Ask your question in the comments section. Thanks. Have a great weekend.

Blogger trouble

Am I the only one on blogspot having this problem? I try to set up future posts and get this error message: bX-fduxe2

What the hell does that mean? When you click on their support link it just leads to confusing dead ends. And since I'm a computer retard anyway, I thought maybe one of you might know what's going on? Whether this is serious? How can I fix it? How can I report it someone who actually might do something?

Thanks. I've always depended on the kindness of cyber strangers.

Please move the Federal Building!

Friday questions will be my next post but first...
There’s a Federal Building near my house and it’s a giant pain in the ass!

First off, in typical government fashion, when construction began it was discovered that the foundation was laid down backwards. The back of the building fronted Wilshire Blvd. and the grand entrance faced the parking lot.

Located in Westwood, near UCLA and a major freeway, it is also the scene of frequent demonstrations. And by frequent, I mean constant. Anytime the price of the yen goes down a quarter there are five hundred screaming people with Iranian flags and signs. This clogs up traffic, not just on Wilshire Blvd. (a major thoroughfare) but the freeway as well. If you’re trying to get from the valley to Culver City you can’t because of these nitwits.

And then on Thursday some nut who apparently made threats against the White House was cornered in a VW bug in the parking lot. There was a stand off for eight hours. Streets in the area were closed, nearby apartment dwellers were evacuated, a thousand police cars kept vigil. Even some UCLA police cars were there (and that’s really sending in the heavy artillery!) A goddamn tank was present. Helicopters loudly buzzed overhead.

Three times robots tried to fire tear gas into the car and that failed. Who trains these friggin’ robots? Eventually, after eight hours the suspect was arrested. But not before traffic was an utter nightmare.

I imagine tomorrow the Middle East protesters will be out there claiming the U.S. mistreats robots.

Please move the Federal Building. Death Valley would be nice. Maybe the top of the Ozarks. Think how much easier it would be to provide security. Maybe I should organize a rally to spearhead that. Do you know where I can get 500 Iranian flags?

P.S.
I just drove by there at 9:30 PM. I SWEAR this is true. There are five protesters with Iranian flags.

P.S.S.

Thanks to David and Jessica Thomas for the picture.

Emmys won't change format after all

I’d like to thank the Academy….

For coming to its senses and reversing its idiotic format change. All awards will be presented on the live broadcast. Eight will no longer be pre-taped and edited allowing the show more time to pay tribute to AMERICAN IDOL and CSI. Pressure from my blog post (oh… and the WGA and DGA who threatened to not waive license fees on aired clips) have caused the ATAS to return to its regular format.

They believed that editing out winners walking on and off the stage would streamline the show and provide more time for saluting mainstream shows that don’t get Emmy recognition but viewers actually watch. This would hopefully boost ratings, which are probably lower now than the old Cable Ace awards were twenty years ago.

But the problem is this – in addition to dissing the creative people who ARE up for awards, the one big attraction of a live show is that it is LIVE. What if somebody trips while walking up to the stage? What if there’s a, uh wardrobe malfunction? What if a winner thanks Hitler?

THAT’S the fun part. So to remove spontaneity in favor of more rehearsed tributes is more likely to lose viewers than attract them.

I’m sure there are ways of improving the presentation. Getting a better host this year (Neil Patrick Harris) is a great first step. Cutting down the number of categories might be worth considering in the future. Reality show hosts get millions of dollars for saying “Wanna know what you’re playing for?” If they don’t also get statuettes they can afford therapy.

The Emmys air Sunday night September 20th on CBS. As always, I’ll be reviewing them. And now that they've returned to their regular format I’ll even watch them too.

Why period comedies generally struggle

A reader wondered why period comedies by and large, do not work. Since I never wrote one (well, okay MASH, but audiences so identified it with Viet Nam that it didn’t seem period.) I didn’t feel qualified to answer. So I asked two writers who did – Earl Pomerantz, who created BEST OF THE WEST and Phoef Sutton, who along with Mark Legan created THANKS (set in Pilgrim times. Maybe it would have worked if they called the show 30 PLYMOUTH ROCK). Today I’ll share Earl’s answer. (He has a longer one here on his own blog.) Next week Phoef’s response.

I created "Best of the West" because I love westerns and because I was tired of stories about dating. I wanted my characters to have real problems, like outlaws and Indians (many of whom, often with good reason, were not nice).

The short answer for why "period" comedies are such a tough "sell" is that you’re overlaying “artificial” on top of “fake” on top of “unreal” on top of “really hard to buy.”

The sitcom format itself, especially the kind shot in front of a live audience, with its shadowless lighting, it’s indoor airlessness, not to mention the intrusive laughter of off-screen strangers provides one artificial element.

Then you’ve got, in Best of the West, not my interpretation of the West, but my interpretation of other people’s interpretation of the West, as portrayed in movies, books and TV shows. That puts the show two portrayals away from the actual West, whatever that was. A version of a version tends offers an even greater challenge to the “willing suspension of disbelief.” There's only so much suspending you can do.

On top of, they’re wearing these strange, not particularly authentic, and not at all worn-in outfits, some of which look like they’ve just retrieved from the hangers at Western Costume. You can almost see the safety-pinned tags saying, "If lost, please return to Errol Flynn."

Best of the West aired in 1981, roughly fifteen after TV westerns were really popular. So there was also a timing problem. I couldn’t help that. When TV westerns were in their hey-day, I was still in High School.

The only thing Best of the West had going for it was it was really funny. With the above-described elements and a network's lack of enthusiasm, being funny wasn’t quite enough.

It’s hard making any situation comedy believable. Setting it in another time, or planet, or something, well, good luck if you love it, but don’t expect it to be easy.

Thanks, Earl. Not only will I share Phoef's take next week, I'll even tell you how he pronounces his name.

Does this goal count?

It's hard to identify who this is. I can't see her number.