What's on pay-per-view tonight?

Channel surfing recently I came upon INPPV, which I guess is our cable company’s pay-per-view “adult” channel. These are the ACTUAL titles. I may have taken a little creative license with the descriptions. But probably not much. Again, the titles are REAL.

HOT AND BUSTY SECRETARIES/NUDE -- They feel objectified and demand their bosses refer to them as Hot and Busty Assistants/Nude.

FORBIDDEN SEX EXPOSED -- It’s the one show MacKenzie Phillips hasn’t been on yet.

BUSTY BANK TELLER ORGY CAUGHT ON TAPE -- Doggy-style day afternoon.

NUDE COEDS: WET & WILD – There’s a flood in the Math Science building.

PORN STAR BOWLING -- no one can pull off a 7-10 split like these gals.

NAKED NEWS TV – Analysis of the recent G20 Summit.

UP THE SKIRT UNCENSORED -- The world as viewed from under a subway grating.

BLIND DATE/SLUMBER PARTY – Because every blind date looks like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie with the lights out.

DESPERATE SLUTS -- Starring Teri Snatcher, Fellatio Huffman, Marcia Crass, and Eva Longwhoria.

NUDE YOUNG SLUTS REVEAL ALL – They share their most recent findings on Merkel cell research.

SORORITY STRIP OFF – The election for house treasurer is decided on jello shot night.

ALL NUDES HOTTIES/ HOME ALONE -- No wonder those two burglars keep trying to break in.

BIG BUSTED COPS: WILD SEX ORGY – Fund raisers honoring Joseph Wambaugh haven’t brought in the big bucks.

SOCCER MOM WILD SEX PARTY – For that big postgame celebration, Pizza Hut accommodates the kids and the moms!

GIRL ON GIRL: LICK MY HEART -- To accomplish that it would have to be GIRL ON DEAD GIRL.

AMATEUR PERV CAM – It’s the one porno the Teamsters don’t want you to see.

CHEATING MILF’S EXPOSED – Beverly Hills plastic surgeons discover some of their patients have used other doctors.

AMERICAN COUGARS -- Courtney Cox stars in this delightful new comedy.

HORNY NUDE SPORTS GROUPIES -- Baseball’s “other” bobbleheads.

NAKED GHETTO GIRLZ -- Girls so poor they can’t afford clothes and the letter “s”.

SEXY GIRL ATHLETES: NAKED YOGA – By popular demand, more supine poses.

NAKED BEACH VOLLEYBALL – Very tough on the commentators since no one wears numbers.

MILFS WHO LOVE YOUNG BABES – And spend all their husbands’ money futilely trying to look like them.

And finally, requiring no explanation:

JERRY SPRINGER UNCENSORED