Diana Ross as Hot Lips

Time to kick off the weekend with some answers to your questions.

From Mark:

As far as making a sitcom believable, could you comment on filming vs. taping? Is the technology advanced enough to make a four camera show look real with tape?

Back in the days when some multi-camera shows filmed while others taped, the taped shows never looked real. They always looked like you were watching a play. They featured stark lighting and a very flat look. The sets looked like, well… sets. Audiences were used to film – either on TV or at the movies. So multi-camera filmed shows felt more real. So real that CHEERS had to announce that each show was filmed in front of a live studio audience. Otherwise viewers didn’t believe the laughs were real.

So why were there taped shows when they didn’t look as good or as real? Because they were CHEAPER.

I told the story about a year ago how CHEERS experimented with switching to tape.

I’m not a technical guy so I don’t know specifics, but with today’s new HD cameras it’s much easier to achieve a filmed look on tape. Some will say it looks as good but I think that’s stretching it. It’s the same as Diet Coke and regular Coke but with pixels instead of sugar. To my knowledge all multi-camera shows are now filmed in this high def process.

And Fred asks:

Years ago I noticed you wouldn't see Margot Kidder in a movie without Michael Ontkean showing up in the same movie. There was another actress, Kaki Hunter, who also showed up with both Kidder and Ontkean in movies at this same time (thanks to IMDB for her name).

Just this week I saw an episode of Psych with Christine Baranski as a guest star. Cybill Shepherd has also guest-starred on Psych. Do I need to mention that they were in a situation comedy together a few years ago?

Perhaps some of these were coincidences. However, I wonder if agents make package deals for their clients. Nowadays you couldn't imagine someone saying "if you want Margot Kidder, you also have to take Kaki Hunter," but there was a time when Kaki Hunter wasn't the box office poison she is now.

Does this happen, or am I a conspiracy theorist in need of a much better conspiracy?

Wow. This was my first Kaki Hunter question. TV networks like to “stunt cast” – hiring guest stars that will attract a larger audience. Madonna on WILL & GRACE. Britney Spears on HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER. Betty White on everything else.

When we were doing AfterMASH the studio wanted us to bring in Loretta Swit for an episode to reprise her role as Hot Lips. But she declined. That didn’t stop the brilliant 20th exec. He said, “It doesn’t have to be Loretta Swit. Just find anyone to play Hot Lips.” Oh yeah? I suggested Diana Ross.

Sometime pairing people from other shows is a big draw (a la Cybill & Christine). I know I’d love to see Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards do a guest shot on GARY UNMARRIED.

This “reunion” concept works in features too. When Tom Hanks and John Candy clicked in SPLASH they were re-teamed for our movie, VOLUNTEERS. “If you liked them in one, you’ll like them in one not as good.”

As for Margot Kidder and Kaki Hunter et al, I have no idea what that’s all about. I would imagine Margot Kidder’s only demand is “hire me!”

Sometimes producers and directors have favorite actors they use time and again. Maybe this was the case with Margot-Kaki-Michael. Who am I kidding? I have no fucking clue.

From friend-of-the-blog Rory L. Aronsky:

What items (of value and of little value) have you taken from the shows you worked on? When "Almost Perfect" was cancelled, did you try to swipe Nancy Travis on your way out?

No. Like an idiot I have the bathrobe she wore in one episode (which you can watch here) but I didn’t have to foresight to throw Nancy in my trunk.

When BIG WAVE DAVE’S folded I took a few surfboards. Otherwise, I never lifted anything from one of our sets. I was probably stupid. Some folks from MASH at the end took everything they could fit into their cars. Oh wait. I do have one of the helicopters.

Having my name on printed scripts from the shows I’ve been lucky enough to work on is all the keepsakes I need. And the helicopter.

And finally, from Jose:

After a late night in the writer's, about how much turnaround time would you guys get before having to come back for the next work day?

Depends on the show. For most multi-camera shows we got in at 11:30 in the morning. That gave us the afternoon to work of future scripts before the late afternoon runthrough. Rewrites varied but generally wrapped up around midnight or one. So we could in theory get a decent night’s sleep.

But when we were doing that comeback vehicle for Mary Tyler Moore, one of us had to be on the stage every morning for the table reading of the new draft. So that meant going home at 6:00 a.m. and returning by 10:00 a.m. I don’t recommend it.

What’s your question?

Why period comedies generally struggle: Part 2

A reader wanted to know why period comedies generally are not successful. I asked the creators of two very worthy examples to explain why they didn't think the genre worked. Last week I featured Earl Pomerantz. This week it's Phoef Sutton. Among his many TV and movie credits, Phoef wrote and produced CHEERS. He also co-created THANKS -- amazingly the only sitcom about Pilgrims to get on the air. Phoef (who pronounces his name "Feef") writes:

Ken Levine sent me the following e-mail:

Wondered if you had a chance to bang out a couple of paragraphs on why period piece comedies don't seem to work.

Well, that’s a pretty tall order to fill but after thinking about it for a week and procrastinating for another, I decided to tackle it.

I suppose he asked me because I was responsible, along with Mark Legan, for that legendary cult classic THANKS. What’s that? Never heard of it? Come on, Sara Vowell wrote about it in THE WORDY SHIPMATES and she goes on and on about it on THIS AMERICAN LIFE. So, let me correct myself – you know that show THANKS that ran on CBS for six episodes in 1999 and was never rerun and nobody but Sara Vowell saw? I created that show. It was a sit com about the Pilgrims.

It featured a stalwart, optimistic young Pilgrim named James Winthrop, father of three, who would say things like:

“What a beautiful day it is – snow melting, everyone out and about, airing out their clothes, dragging out their dead.”

And

“I’ve decided, in the hopes of lifting the spirits of our community, to hold a gathering tonight. Everyone is invited. There will be music and… well, not dancing because that’s a sin, or course, but it’ll be a… well, not a party, that would be wrong, but there will be lots of … well, not entertainment, because that’s forbidden, but I assure you, you’ll all have plenty of… well, not fun because that goes against everything we stand for…

He had a precocious daughter Elizabeth, who was just ten but wise beyond her years.
She would comment to the dentist that maybe he should wash his hands before putting them in her mouth because he might be passing disease from patient to patient; “There might be tiny creatures, smaller that the eye can see, living in people’s mouths.” The response to this from the dentist was predictable; “Sounds like black magic to me!” And then little Elizabeth would spend the afternoon, hoisted up in the stocks in the middle of the town square. But she didn’t let it get her down; “Father, my feet touch the ground now!”

You get the idea. I hope.

Anyway, Ken goes on to say:

A reader asked why period sitcoms don't seem to work. Since you had one of the funniest, would you mind writing a paragraph or two about THANKS, why it struggled, whether you got enough network support, the hazards, advantages, unique challenges, etc.?

Before I go on to the specifics of this, let me give a brief over-view of the rich history of historical sitcoms.

I can think of six. This is a comprehensive list that I compiled while sitting in an airplane flying back to LA and trying not to watch SEVENTEEN AGAIN, the in-flight movie. (I should say that I also did an exhaustive search on both IMDB and Google, where a search for historical sitcoms leads you to a lot “history of sitcoms” but no historical sitcom and that wasn’t what I meant, don’t those Google idiots know anything?)

I’m not including sitcoms about the recent past, as in That 70s Show or Happy Days, because they play more on nostalgia than a sense of history. And also ‘cause I don’t feel like it. I’m sure I’ve forgotten some. Please point them out with angry e-mails.

So the six are:

F Troop (1965-66) -- I loved this show when I was a kid. Mostly because of a running gag – Sgt. O’Rourke would say to Col. Agarn; “I don’t know why everybody says you’re so dumb,” and Col. Agarn would reply, after a pause; “Who says I’m dumb?” It doesn’t sound very funny, but that pause between set up and punch line would get longer and longer. Often whole scenes would pass, sometime the act break would come and go before that inevitable line would come out of Larry Storch’s mouth. This taught me an important lesson – despite what they say, comedy isn’t always about surprise. Sometimes it’s the great joy that comes from waiting for the other shoe to drop.

But history? Not much from F Troop. There were Native Americans (back then they were called Indians) but the joke was that they were all played by Borscht Belt comedians. The name of the tribe? The Hekawi Indians. As in, “where the heck are we?” (Okay, that is pretty funny.)

Was it successful? – well, it ran for two season back in the day, so they made 65 episodes. Not bad, but not a hit.

When Things Were Rotten (1975) -- A comedy from Mel Brooks about Robin Hood. It starred most of the Get Smart ensemble. Dick Gautier (Hymie) was Robin Hood. Bernie Koppell (Siegfried) was Alan-a- Dale. It lasted 13 episodes, which made it a big bomb in those days. Don’t feel bad if you missed it, though – Mel Brooks was able to recycle most of the gags for his Robin Hood: Men in Tights feature. Watch that and you’ll have a pretty good idea of what the show was like.

Best of the West (1981) – The Best of them All. Flat-out the finest historical sitcom in the short history of the genre. Earl Pomerantz should be knighted, sainted and given the Congressional Medal of Honor for creating this wonderful show, set in the Old West. Why it isn’t re-run constantly on TVland is a mystery to me. But more of a mystery is why it only lasted 22 episodes. To say that it was a model for THANKS would be an understatement. Quoting jokes doesn’t do it justice. I only tell you to watch it. Only it’s not out on video. That’s right, Perfect Strangers is out on DVD, but this masterpiece isn’t.

The Black Adder, Blackadder II, Blackadder the Third, Blackadder Goes Forth (1983-89) The Citizen Kane of historical sitcoms. Maybe it was because it was made in England, where history matters. Maybe it was because it was made in England where a hit show runs for six episodes a season. Whatever the reason this show succeeded where none (but one – I’ll get to that) has before. If you’ve only seen Rowan Atkinson as the mute Mr. Bean, his sheer verbal dexterity with astound you. If you’ve only seen Hugh Laurie as the tortured Dr. House, his pure, unabashed silliness as The Prince Regent with astonish you.

Mark and I talked about following the lead of this show, and setting THANKS is other time periods (The Revolution, the Civil War, the Frontier) if it ever got tired. Silly us, thinking it might last long enough to get tired.

I should mention The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer (1998), which crashed and burned just before THANKS similarly flamed out, but I made a point of not watching it, for fear of cross pollination. I hear it was good, though.

Before I come to the last, and the only successful American historical sitcom, I suppose it’s time to address the other questions in Ken’s e-mail.

“Why THANKS struggled, whether you got enough network support, the hazards, advantages, unique challenges, etc.?

Well, first of all it was a sitcom about the Pilgrims. So, naturally, the first strike against was that people would think it was just a sketch comedy. You had to hang around awhile to see that, yes, it was that but it was a little bit more. It was a family comedy too. And a satire. We called it silly-smart. We were the only ones who called it that.

Did the network support us? Well, yes, in that they, for no reason whatsoever, PUT THE SHOW ON. And let us make six of them. They never really gave us notes, for the simple reason that they couldn’t figure out how. The usual network rules (make sure the leads are likable, make sure we root for them, make sure they’re good at their jobs) just didn’t seem to apply. Sure, they were likable and we rooted for them; they were Puritans on the constant brink of starvation for godsakes. If that isn’t “stakes,” I don’t know what is.

Did they promote the show? Not at all. Did they renew the show? Not so much. But they still let us make six episodes. I’ve always felt like I pulled a fast one there.

The biggest drawback to historical sitcoms is figuring out when to set them. What period in history do we feel the closest to at this point in time? F Troop thought the frontier was that time for the 1960s. When Things Were Rotten opted for Robin Hood’s age. Best of the West thought the Old West was the time we felt most connected to, and the only reason I can give for its failure was that it just missed the Western boom in TV. THANKS? Mark and I thought the Puritan times were ideal for drawing a parallel to ‘90s. We still think so. CBS and the viewing public disagreed.

Which brings us to the one clear success in the historical comedy sweepstakes. The show which ran for 6 seasons and produced 168 episodes. The show? Hogan’s Heroes.
It ran from 1965 to 1971. As Sgt. Schultz put it, “I know nothing!”

Thanks for THANKS, Phoef.

I will read and critique your script

As you know, my one blog related rule is that time doesn't permit me to read and critique scripts. I'd have to give up such luxuries as sleeping and eating. But I am making an exception for a good cause. The Dodgers are sponsoring their second annual "Think Cure" radiothon, raising money for cancer research. So for their on-line auction I have volunteered to read someone's spec script and share my thoughts and suggestions. I am also donating three signed scripts -- "Point of View" and "None Like It Hot" from MASH and the two-part "Never Love a Goalie" from CHEERS.

There are also a lot of other fun items up for bid (some even baseball related) and again, it's for a great cause. The auction ends Monday.

Here's where to go.

Please bid. I'd hate to think a script review by me brings in less money than autographed Chicken Foot drum sticks.

Many thanks.

House Husbands of Hollywood

In my relentless quest to bring you the best in reality show cheese, I submit for your edification: HOUSE HUSBANDS OF HOLLYWOOD. It premiered last week (and I imagine is repeated endlessly) on something called the Fox Reality Channel (as opposed to the Fox News Channel which bears no resemblance whatsoever to reality). Upfront disclaimer: One of the participants is a good friend (Charlie Mattera) so I am hoping the show does well. But that doesn’t stop me from laughing and cringing in all the wrong places, which of course is my criteria for a truly great reality show. So I can recommend it heartily.

HOUSE HUSBANDS OF HOLLYWOOD is a nine part series that follows five hubbies who are stay-at-home dads (or in one case, stay-at-home dog sitter) while their high-powered wives work. If the series gets picked up for another season it will be re-titled DIVORCED HUSBANDS OF HOLLYWOOD.

Let’s meet them shall we?

My buddy Charlie. His wife is a psychologist so she doesn’t want to be shown on camera for fear of compromising patient relationships. Okay, I buy that. But we do hear her over the phone. Every morning she leaves Charlie a to-do list on Hello Kitty stationery. And then throughout the day as he’s cleaning the kitchen and picking up the toys and unloading the dishwasher she calls to make sure he also folded the laundry. We see Charlie changing a wet diaper (it wouldn’t be a pilot without it), hanging out at our gym with his BFF Ryan O’Neal, and pushing little Ryan’s stroller (yes, his baby is named Ryan). We also see him conferring with a priest. Y’see, Charlie has a dillemma. He used to be a bank robber and spent 8 1/2 years in prison. How does he break this news to the in-laws? Hmmmm. That’s a tough one. But he’s genuinely charming and funny and what does it say about a husband-wife relationship when you’re rooting for the felon?

Billy Ashley used to be a Los Angeles Dodger. One of his home runs landed on Jupiter. He looks like a bad-ass wrestler. Now he wrangles two pre-teen daughters while wifey Lisa applies make-up to the stars and launches her own line of beauty products. Well, actually…Billy runs the business. He’s on the phone all day trying to hawk the “ultimate eyecream” and the “ultimate moisturizer.” My guess is former teammates were not on the other end of the line.

He’s a man surrounded by tweens. His two daughters with a ‘tude, and then his wife makes him assist in a little in-home seminar with the neighborhood twelve year old girls where they discuss menstrual cycles. You see the look on his face and just know he’s thinking “Oh, why didn’t I just get hit in the head with a Roger Clemens’ fastball?”

Remember Tempest Bledsoe from the COSBY SHOW? She’s now grown up and we’re told still a successful working actress (which was news to me). Her husband is Darryl M. Bell (yeah, the kid from DIFFERENT WORLD). She comes off the best of the wives (only slightly naggy) and he’s very funny. He’s going to make his next spouse very happy.

Poor Grant Reynolds. He’s married to Jillian Reynolds – scatterbrain co-host of GOOD DAY LA, and eye candy for FOX NFL SUNDAY. Once a Marine sniper, he’s currently a failed actor (excuse me…”aspiring” actor) who is now chasing after his toddler daughter (who is adorable, by the way). His three salvations: racing motorcycles on the open road (understandable death wish), deciding which of the two moms at playdates to eventually fuck (they can’t mention his name without their legs flying apart as if they were spring loaded), and although he’d never admit it, the little passive-aggressive joy he receives when his daughter rushes to his arms and screams whenever mommy tries to pick her up. This is the family I worry about. Marine sniper, remember.

And then there’s Danny Barclay. This schlemiel gets the shit beaten out of him the most and he doesn’t even have a kid. After watching Danny’s blonde shark self-centered wife for three minutes I wanted to borrow Grant’s M-16. In fairness though, Danny doesn’t help his cause. He was a promising pre-med student who chucked it all to become an out-of-work actor. I bet the in-laws would have preferred Charlie’s rap sheet. Danny receives an email from Katherine (don’t call her Kat) every morning with the subject heading TODAY. It lists all of the chores he is required to do TODAY. He tries to put a kegorater in the kitchen and that goes over well. Faster than you can say castrating bitch it gets shipped off to the garage.

In a futile and pathetic attempt to reclaim his manhood, Danny sets up a “man cave” in the garage. Beach chairs and little tables are set up to create a haven of testosterone. The rest of the house husbands come over (I hope they have babysitters. I’d hate to think the wives are taking care of the kids) and it looks like Bart Simpson’s treehouse club. Worse is when Katherine (not Kat) comes home early and parks her car in the man cave. No male can watch this segment without his testicles retreating so far up his body that tweezers are needed to retrieve them.

A huge majority of the real housewives and mothers are not like this. But then they don't get reality shows.

Ultimately, HOUSE HUSBANDS OF HOLLYWOOD will have a happy ending. Those kids (and dogs) are being raised by loving dads. In the meantime, there are toilets to be scrubbed, bickering to be had, and fun bad reality television to be made. Start checking off that list, boys.

Eric Dane sex tape and the Cartoon Network

Some random musings...

The latest sex tape to hit the internet features Eric Dane from GREY'S ANATOMY, his wife, and another woman. Oh please let it be Katherine Heigl.
The Cartoon Network now has live-action shows. MTV and VHI have non-music related shows. American Movie Classics currently features hour series. What’s the point of branding? For all the talk of narrow-casting and a gazillion channels trying to find their niche, when push comes to shove, everyone wants a bigger audience and that usually means casting a wider net… Or, to use an outdated obsolete old school retro term – BROADcasting.

By signing Michael Vick the Philadelphia Eagles are now the most hated team in the NFL… even in Philadelphia.

Bob Dylan was stopped by cops in New Jersey and asked for ID. I can just imagine the exchange. Cop: “What’s you name, sir?” Bob: “Bababadabeedraleebadin.” Cop: “What?” Bob (getting annoyed): “Bababadabeedraleebadinyastunampidirasssher!” Cop: “Okay, buddy, let’s see some ID.”

Britain released UFO documents detailing 800 alleged encounters. 780 of them from guys leaving pubs.

MAD MEN’S third season premiere did not disappoint. My head hurts with all the symbolism and Joan should no longer ever wear red but it’s fascinating to watch those characters and that world. The new British owners of the ad agency are really evil. That’s who the Martians should be targeting.

DANCING WITH THE STARS has announced its new line-up. One of the “stars” is a skateboard champ. Hey, YOU try to find sixteen actual celebrities in Hollywood! Also scheduled: Kelly Osbourne.

The next ten people who sign up to follow me on Twitter will become eligible to be contestants on the next edition of DANCING WITH THE STARS.

Michael Jackson will be buried on his birthday. Which year?

HuffPost Headline: Madonna Celebrates 51st Birthday In Poland Amid Catholic Protests. Too much loud Jewish music!!! How are we supposed to confess when there’s that goddamn Hava Nagila going all night long!!

Watching the Obama Town-Hall forum on Saturday I saw a number of elderly people angrily complain that the government should not get involved with health care. Uh, who do you think is running Medicare??

Paula Abdul says she might want to come back to AMERICAN IDOL. Like Hollywood Week, she should be made to go up the elevator, walk that long corridor to the massive judgment room, sit in a little chair in front of the producers, and plead and wail to the point where Tatiana del Toro is embarrassed for her.

At one time the Dodgers had the best record in baseball. Now they don't even have the best record in Southern California.

Madison Avenue had officially declared the summer TV schedule a failure. Not one new show sparked America’s imagination. I say wait, give HOUSE HUSBANDS OF HOLLYWOOD a chance. My review tomorrow.

I haven’t seen it but does THE TIME TRAVELER’S WIFE buy that her husband keeps disappearing to go back in time? This is a more plausible explanation than let's say, oh...he’s having an affair?

I’m sick to death of Jon & Kate. And three weeks ago I didn’t even know who they were.

But if it was Jon & Kate AND the other woman -- now THAT'S the kind of live-action show I'd watch on the Cartoon Network.

The 40th anniversary of Woodstock

This is the 40th anniversary of Woodstock. 500,000 long-haired stoned members of my generation attended this three-day open air music festival. I was not one of them. But at least I admit it. For every person who attended there was another thousand who said they attended but really spent that weekend doing chores for mom. And while half a million rain soaked, bathroom deprived, hippies grooved on three days of love and understanding, I was in LA bombarded by news updates on the Charles Manson murders.

I did see the movie WOODSTOCK that came out the next year. Jesus, did that scene look crowded! And uncomfortable! Yeah, Hendrix and Janis were great, but good God, I’d have to go three days without a toilet! I always thought the tagline for the film should have been, “Great Music! Stereophonic Sound! Clean Rest Rooms!”

But like I said, anyone who was east of the Mississippi in the summer of 69 says they attended Woodstock. In fairness, some who didn’t were probably so loaded they thought they were there. When their favorite Woodstock act was Lady Gaga that’s a clue.

But one friend of mine claimed he was there and I believe him. Why? Because this is what he said, “Most of the time the music was really bad.” Everyone remembers the headliners – Crosby, Stills, & Nash, the Who, Joe Cocker – but there were a lot of no-name bands that screeched through endless sets. Again, I wasn’t there so I didn’t hear for myself, but there’s probably a reason the movie didn’t include Quill (doing a 40 minute set consisting of four songs), the Keef Hartley Band, the Grease Band, and six or seven other headliners that died on the editing room floor. He said at times it was also hard to hear and impossible to see. There’d be hippies staggering around completely lost. Babies screaming, people talking through the music.

Another person I know was there was Grace Slick, lead singer of Jefferson Airplane. As luck would have it I met her Friday night at the radio station. What a cool lady. She said the groups were housed at a nearby motel and airlifted by helicopter to a field behind the stage. So for most of the festival she watched bored musicians shoot pool.

She and the "plane" arrived on the scene at 9 pm, but the program was running just a tad long. They didn't get on stage until 6 am. Not the best time I would imagine to perform rock n' roll. But she thought it was an incredible experience and seeing 500,000 people from the air was a sight she'll never forget.

Amazingly, there were only two deaths. One from an overdose (duh!) and the other was run-over by a tractor. But considering the number of people, in such close quarters, with precious little food and shelter, the fact that there weren’t riots and chaos, and new Scientology chapters says a lot about my ge-ge-generation.

Woodstock was a statement of peace (I think it was made just before the Sha-na-na set). And a declaration of unity. Whether we were there or not I’m sure we’d all like to go there now – to recapture those old feelings, to feel a sense of shared purpose, to buy a summer home we could escape to on the weekends.

My PLAYBILL bio: Aren't you impressed???

When the musical I co-wrote was produced I was asked to submit my bio for the program. The trouble is, if I list that I am primarily a TV writer it’s like putting a big target on my chest for New York theatre critics. So I thought I’d fudge, tailor it a tad for the Broadway theatre crowd. What do you think of this?


Ken is the adopted son of Stephen Sondheim. His godfather was Bob Fosse who he met while walking Gwen Verdon’s dog. He spent his formative years building the sets for LES MISERABLES. A Peace Corps stint followed where for two years he introduced the Broadway musical to poverty stricken villages throughout Cambodia.

Ken returned to New York where he walked Carol Channing’s husband. He became somewhat of a play doctor, coming in uncredited to save A CHORUS LINE, PROOF, SUNDAY IN THE PARK WITH GEORGE (originally titled: SUNDAY IN THE PARK WITH SHLOMO). WHO'S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF?, AVENUE Q., AIN’T MISBEHAVIN’ (additional dialogue), GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS (talking Mamet out of the dance numbers), and THE ODD COUPLE (originally titled: TWO AND A HALF MEN).

An experimental work of his own played two nights in Boston and two nights in St. Louis. It was called the 2004 WORLD SERIES.

He has never seen a television show, watched a movie, or read any book not written by John Simon or Frank Rich.