I love Shelley Long

An unavoidable delay in the Grammy review. It will be posted soon.

It still kills me that Shelley lost the Emmy one year to Jackee. How is that even possible?

Recently, I caught a first year episode of CHEERS and was reminded all over again of just how brilliant Shelley Long was. Diane Chambers was a role fraught with danger. Without just the perfect actress you could reeeeally hate that character. But Shelley managed to make her likeable and vulnerable and hysterically funny while still keeping the edge and condescension that “Diane” required. Not easy to do. Kinda like walking a tightrope in a typhoon.

It’s been 25 years, there have been a lot of shows since, many with really gifted comediennes, but I’ve never seen anyone better.

Here’s an example. One of my favorite scenes. From the episode “Diane’s Perfect Date” written by David Lloyd and directed by James Burrows. Sam and Diane agree to set each other up with dates, but Sam thinks that’s just a ruse and that Diane is going to set him up with herself. So he makes no effort to find her a date. Come the night in question, Diane arrives with a woman for Sam. Now he has to scramble. He grabs the first guy he can find. Here's what happens:

Stay tuned

My jaded but hilarious daughter, Annie and her equally jaded/hilarious writing partner, Brock will be filing a review of the Grammys. I'm in Hawaii torch dancing tonight and they've heard of all of the nominees.

Lateline

I once spent a month in New York directing a sitcom called LATELINE for NBC. It starred Senator-we-think Al Franken and aired in the late 90’s.

The show was filmed in Queens at the Kaufman-Astoria studios. Next door was SESAME STREET and it was not uncommon to see guys walking down the hall with Muppets on one hand and cigarettes in the other. I hung out one lunch break there with Big Bird and guest star, Peter Jennings.

We filmed on Tuesday nights and began rehearsing the next show the following day. In LA, after the show wrapped on Tuesday night, crews would strike the swing sets and start setting up the new ones. Not in New York. They would strike the sets on Wednesday when we were rehearsing. As inconvenient as this was I was told this was still far preferable to the all-night crews. I don’t even want to know why. But that meant in order to wheel out the big unwieldy set pieces they’d roll back the huge stage door that opened right out onto a city street. So anyone walking by could just stop and watch us rehearse. Also, since this was November, the open door permitted the first blast of winter to enter the studio. We all rehearsed in parkas.

There aren’t too many multi-camera shows filmed in New York. So there aren’t a lot of cameramen familiar with the form. Of our four cameramen, two primarily covered Mets games on Channel 9. If a character reached for a phone they zoomed in on his hand. I had to tell them, this was an actor not a shortstop.

But my favorite times were the studio/network runthroughs. These occurred after the third day of production. In order for execs back in LA to see the rehearsal a satellite hook up was employed. LATELINE was a behind-the-scenes look at late night news program a la NIGHTLINE so our main set was this huge honkin’ newsroom. The satellite feed was hooked up to one camera. This poor cameraman who looked like Don Knotts only more frightened, had to just follow the action the best he could. And of course he would miss lines, be fishing around looking for people, crash into desks, etc.

After one such ragged runthrough we got this network note: How come there are no close ups?

How do you even begin to answer that?

The DVD of LATELINE is available and worth checking out. Some very funny episodes. One in particular with Allison Janney and I’d like to think her performance was what first caught NBC’s attention. The next season she was cast in THE WEST WING. But on LATELINE she was hilarious! And thanks to that network note, there are quite a few close ups.

There must be a senate seat somewhere for Allison Janney. Unlike Al, at least she has experience.

How to memorize scripts Pt 3

Here’s the final installment in how actors memorize. My thanks to the well-known actors/actresses who contributed along with my sympathies. It’s easier to write this crap than memorize it.

Actor 1 (a soap opera star):

A great deal of it depends on certain skills that you're either born with or you're not. If you are born with the capacity to memorize, so much the better for you. However other factors do come into play. One of those is your comfort and familiarity with the character you're portraying. If it's new and you're just kinda feeling your way along, might be slightly difficult at first. However, if it's a character with which/whom you are completely familiar and at ease then you know, almost before the writer puts it on the page, what you'll say and how you'll say it. Another factor is the leeway, if any, that an actor is given with his/her lines. On a soap, for instance, with sometimes PAGES of dialogue or (heaven help us) a monologue, you (more often than not) will be given a little room to ad-lib. Get all the correct information out, give your partner their correct cue and make it sound natural and real...and you can get away with a lot.

Stage trained actors usually fare much better on the screen than the other way around with regard to memorization. There's very little ad-libbing tolerated in the theatre and so that training is invaluable when making the leap to TV or film. However, the advantage of doing live theatre is the rehearsal process, which can take weeks of doing the same scene over and over...and THAT'S where much of the memorizing is done for the stage. For the screen, big or little, if you are just not a good memorizer, the only thing you can do is go over and over and over and over...and over it with a partner or in the mirror. Sentence by sentence if you have to.

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Actor 2:

Years ago I was taught a method called the "key word" method for memorizing commercial copy quickly when auditioning for commercials in NY where the copy is presented to you when you get to the audition. You only have a few minutes to look at it before you're whisked in to go on camera. The "key word" is the word that jumps out at you when you are reading a line and is different for everyone, but hopefully is the "heart" of a sentence. You circle it and memorize it. Then in theory you have a list of "key words" that bring up the complete sentence when needed.

Now, my actress wife has also influenced me and her method is one that I have used more and more the older I get. Seeing a picture in my mind of the sentence and matching an action to it at the same time.

An actor also has an action for each line. Actions being verbs. For example, in typical arguments between two romantic leads in a scene, often one character will get to a point where they "present", "list", "defend" (all active verbs) their P.O.V. with a "laundry list" of idea. In the actor's mind when you get to that place in the scene in my mind I know what is to be said is the "laundry list", and I match that to my action/verb "defend my P.O.V.", "present my reasoning", "list my reasoning", etc.

The process typically gets harder the older you get because for most of us our memory begins to go, but with these tools and techniques, hopefully we can stay adept at memorizing for more years than we should. They are good brain exercises too. All memorization ... jokes, poetry, speeches, etc. are good for our brains.

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Actor 3:

I'm what is called a "quick study" -- I can learn pages in a few minutes. Apparently, that has to do with what side of the brain you work on -- and that's not a choice!

I learn through images. I see a line and I see the picture of the line. For example, "I love you, you're the greatest man I've ever known, but if you don't clean up that office, I"m going to leave you!"

I see the man I love standing in a room full of paper which he is not putting in a trash can and then I see myself leaving.

The picture -- to the action -- to the line.

Sometimes, there is a word I get caught on and then I use a muscle memory technique. The brain is a muscle and if you lift 20-30 times all the other
muscles (the tongue etc.) remember. So, I repeat by rote over and over and over until the muscle remembers and then I don't have to think about that word -- it comes -- the muscle just
does it.

Finally, my acting technique, Meisner, learned in grad school -- lines are just an extension of the physical action. So when you are working out the part you are in motion moving from
set piece to prop to person etc. and it's like a dancer with choreography you just know what the action is your playing and you move in that direction and the lines come because you know where you are headed based on the intention and action of the scene.

Dr. Pepper, Dr. Crane, Dr. Sternin-Crane

Aloha still. Here are some Friday questions.

bobomo asks:

So did you write the recent Frasier/Lilith Dr. Pepper commercial?

No. An ad guy did but they wisely had Christopher Lloyd (one of the FRASIER showrunners) revise it. Here's the spot:



From John:

Since you're flying off for (I assume) some time for relaxation, here's a kind-of related topic -- What's your opinion/outcome of trying to be creative in comedy writing while either having imbibed a little, or under the influence of any other intoxicants?

For the most part, not a good idea. Intoxicants tend to cloud your judgment. All too often something you write late at night when you’re well intoxicated or good and medicated turns out to be something Jack Nicholson’s character would write in THE SHINING.

Yes, there are stories of writers who snort coke and bang out entire brilliant hour episodes over night but (a) I don’t know how true they are, and (b) sooner or later there’s a price to pay.

But before I start sounding like your parents, I will admit a glass of wine or beer won’t kill ya. This is why you want to be on shows like FRASIER because those guys know good wine.

And finally, from Dean W.:

For shows like "Two and a Half Men" it seems like the creators write half of the episodes. For shows like "Cheers" or "M*A*S*H", was it common for the creators to offer input to the writers?

TWO AND A HALF MEN is all room written and credits are just rotated. In most comedies, unless the creators have gone off and are no longer associated with the show, they have TREMENDOUS input. Every MAD MEN is rewritten by Matt Weiner. Every MASH the first four years was rewritten by Larry Gelbart. Sometimes 100%. Usually the series creators have too much to do to write first drafts but their influence is ever present.

What's your question?

The latest on women's orgasms!!!!

Bad news guys – according to a recent scientific study, size does matter.

The size of your bank account.

Women experience more orgasms with rich guys. Again, this is from an independent scientific study, not something commissioned by Tom Leykis.

“Women’s orgasm frequency increases with the income of their partner,” said Dr Thomas Pollet, the Newcastle University psychologist behind the research.

He believes there is an “evolutionary adaptation” that is hard-wired into women, driving them to select men on the basis of their perceived quality.

So does that mean all women are genetically programmed to be gold-diggers? You mean Paula Fortunato didn’t marry Sumner Redstone, who’s 40 years older and looks like a withered fungo bat, for LOVE? Her divorce coming at the exact moment of the stock market collapse was not purely coincidental?

And can we then assume that all women’s orgasms have been way down since October?

For a long time women were accused of being too superficial, too interested in looks. How great for their esteem and dignity to learn that MONEY is all they care about!

These studies have been conducted in China, America, and Germany – arguably the three most romantic countries in the world.

I’m not quite sure what the testing methods were, maybe comparing wives’ orgasms with their wealthy husbands vs. their gardeners and pool boys. Perhaps researchers walked the corridors of the Four Seasons and the Travelodge comparing the level of shrieking.

But wait. There’s more!

David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas, in his book The Evolution of Desire believes female orgasms have several possible purposes (besides the obvious one – why would they put up with men otherwise?).

“They (the orgasms) could promote emotional bonding with a high-quality male (i.e. one who drives a Ferrari) or they could serve as a signal that women are highly sexually satisfied, and hence unlikely to seek sex with other men,” David Buss said. “What those orgasms are saying is ‘I'm extremely loyal, so you should invest in me and my children’."

Women? Your thoughts?

I contend this study is only partially true. Yes, women do have more orgasms with rich men – more fake orgasms.

Now it's Hollywood Week on AMERICAN IDOL

Aloha from Hawaii. I’m too busy hula dancing and killing wild boar to watch this week’s AMERICAN IDOL but the show has gotten so formula that I think I can review it even without seeing it. I originally posted it last week for ten minutes until I was told they hadn't gotten to Hollywood yet. Oops. So I deleted it. Anyway, here it is again. Tell me how right I was.

It’s Hollywood Week. I understand they’ve made some format adjustments, adding more time to this portion of the series. I guess producers realized a whole hour of just watching people walking down a long hallway to be told they’re in or out wasn’t as spellbinding as they had imagined.

So here’s what I think I missed:

Shots of the excited kids getting off planes. By the end of the show most will be eliminated and humiliated.

Simon gives them all a speech about how this will be the most rigorous, pressure-packed week of their lives. Think MISSILES OF OCTOBER but with Motown songs. Five kids crack just from the speech.

Simon will warn them not to forget the words. At least twenty will. Over such Sondheim-worthy intricate lyrics as “Na na hey hey, Kiss him Goodbye”.

Three people will be sick. But they will sing anyway, proving that heroes still exist.

Simon will collectively rip the kids a new asshole.

The new judge will be at odds with Simon. And those flare ups will serve as every tease going into breaks as producers try to create this trumped-up feud and bogus controversy.

Ryan will be right off stage to interview the apoplectic kids who have just screwed up. Many many many tears.

Plenty of hotel footage and rehearsal for when they have to sing in groups. Everyone will be up all night and nerves will be frayed. They will call it inhuman. I call it college.

We’ll see many losers call home. Their moms will all say “That’s okay, baby. We love you.” More tears. Losers then all say the important thing is their families. Half will take the opportunity to stay in Hollywood as runaways.

At least three losers will say it was a positive experience because they learned a lot about themselves. These are the people who might show up dead at Paula’s house.

A minimum of two losers will go back on stage and humiliate themselves groveling for another chance. The judges will not be moved.

That incredibly annoying girl from open auditions who laughed like a raving loon will be eliminated and will blame everybody and everything but herself.

Bikini Girl will not be as talented in clothes. But who is?

There will be a big scene of the four judges arguing over Polaroids of the contestants. This will mean nothing since the producers ultimately decide who goes on and who does not. If Simon actually decided there would be fifteen willowy blondes and David Archelleta.

A few will sing horribly but still move on because they're (a) kooky, (b) cute, (c) blind, or (d) have just come from a loved one's funeral.

And finally, we will be told this is the most talented group of kids they’ve ever had on AMERICAN IDOL. It’s the same thing they said last year with Jason Castro in the top ten.