Batman goes Batshit

Did you hear the tirade by Christian Bale? Apparently the director of photography had the audacity to cross his precious sight line during a scene from that actor-challenging TERMINATOR sequel and Bale went postal on the guy. Hear it here. Warning: The F word is uttered at least a thousand times in three minutes.

Of course what followed was the obligatory public apology. And soon we’ll see more damage control. He’ll guest on Ellen and bake a pie. He’ll join the Jonas Brothers on stage and sing “What I Go to School For”.

He’ll be charming and witty and self-deprecating. He’ll tell Oprah a heartbreaking story of going to a children’s hospital… or at least knowing someone who did who relayed the story. And all I can say is…

DON’T YOU BELIEVE IT.

When an actor becomes an absolute monster, lashing out (usually at defenseless underlings) that’s because he IS a monster.

William Goldman once wrote that from the minute stars get up in the morning until the minute they go to sleep no one says ‘no’ to them. Imagine living your life like that. Everything you want some toady gets for you. You’re allowed to be a complete flaming asshole. All because Batman sold a lot of tickets.

And for every Christian Bale shit fit that hits the internet, there must be ten other out-of-control actor outbursts that don’t. This is not to say that every star is a nightmare. Some handle their fame with grace and humanity. But there are enough of these childish temper tantrums from spoiled inbred poodles to keep directors and producers and writers and directors of photography popping Lexipro like Pez tablets.

Whenever my writing partner, David and I have a pilot starring a star we sit them down and give the following speech: “We’re thrilled to be working with you, we will kill ourselves to make this the best possible show, one that you can be enormously proud of. We will work late nights, weekends, whatever it takes. But if you turn into a monster we’re in Hawaii.”

Today's post is coming to you from Wailea, Maui.

Update: A commenter wondered if I'm here because of a recent incident with a obnoxious star. No. I'm here on vacation. But let this be a message to all unruly stars -- I mean business!