Fall Movie Preview: Part Three

Hello from Denver. Here's the wrap-up of this season's film fare:

THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS – Easily the best title of the season. George Clooney tracks down psychics in the army. What’s going on with the military? Gays AND psychics???

UP IN THE AIR – George Clooney’s ninth movie this fall season. A habitual airline traveler, he falls for another habitual airline traveler. “We’ll always have Tucson to Detroit with a stop in Dallas”.

A CHRISTMAS CAROL – How many times are they going to remake this goddamn story? We get it!! Bob Zemeckis performance-capture version starring Jim Carrey playing multiple characters. It would take the “Ghost of Christmas Threatening To Take My Life” to get me to see this movie.

PRECIOUS – Oscar buzz for this Sundance darling. And that’s WITH Mariah Carey in the cast. So it must be the best picture ever.

ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: THE SQUEAKQUEL – Another chipmunk movie? How can you possibly improve on perfection?

A PROPHET – Life in an Arab prison. Good luck to the marketing department.

2012 – Disaster movie. Not sure what year it takes place in. John Cusack and Amanda Peet yelling “Look out!” a lot.

THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG – Disney’s first traditional animated movie in five years. The studio is making a big deal that its star (Anika Noni Rose) is the first African-American heroine in a Disney animated feature. Yeah, but she plays a frog!

OLD DOGS – John Travolta and Robin Williams. Robin learns he’s the father of an ex-girlfriend’s twins. TWO MEN AND TWO BABIES.

PIRATE RADIO – The movie about pirate radio in England in the 60s starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman. They keep pushing it back from season to season. This can’t be a good sign. Will I be the only one in the theater?

IT’S COMPLICATED – Danger! Danger! Nancy Meyers romcom. Expect by-the-numbers formula studio storytelling.

SHERLOCK HOLMES – Robert Downey Jr. as the super sleuth. This time Holmes is also proficient in martial-arts. Think Popeye with cocaine instead of spinach.

INVICTUS – Morgan Freeman takes a break from sleeping with his grand-daughter and his longtime mistress to portray Nelson Mandela in a film directed by Clint Eastwood.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MORGANS? Hey, Hugh Grant is still around! Who knew? He stars with Sarah Jessica Parker as a married couple working things out in the Witness Protection program. They’re sent to Wyoming. Yeah, that’s where you’d send a British guy and Jewish girl to just blend in with the community.

and finally...

AVATAR – James Cameron’s long awaited $200,000,000 sci-fi epic that will either revolutionize cinema or be HEAVEN’S GATE in space.