I hate pop-up ads!!!

Okay, this is me going on a rant.

I will not buy anything I see in a pop-up ad. They are the most annoying form of advertising ever devised. I know the big problem with the internet is that no one has figured out yet how to make a substantial profit out of it. That certainly is my problem. Banner ads are only slightly effective. And newspapers and other sites have found it’s difficult to charge people for their services when other outlets will provide it for free. Why go to reputable newspapers when there are people like me in their underwear banging out blogs?

But I can’t imagine anybody… ever… in any corner of the universe… buying something they see from a pop-up ad.

It’s as if you’re watching a concert and suddenly from out of nowhere someone gets right up into your grill and screams “HEY, WANNA BUY LIFE INSURANCE?!!” What are the chances you’ll say “Sure. Thanks. I specifically went to this remaining-Beatles reunion just hoping someone would sell me long term life insurance”?

Wouldn’t it be more likely you’d knee him in the groin and threaten to kill him and his family if he ever again came within one mile of you?

That’s the common reaction when people are assaulted by pop-up ads. First off, they resent the product. Like me, they’ll probably boycott it. It doesn’t take Don Draper to figure out that boycotting is not a good end result to an advertising campaign.

Seriously, should an X10 camera ad pop onto my screen I will scramble to my mouse and obliterate it faster than if it were a sex scene between Larry King and a goat.

Girls, name me one time a guy ever won your heart by continually yanking at your hair. This form of attention getting DOES NOT WORK!

Of course the idiot advertisers who think otherwise are devising new ways to skirt pop-up blocking programs and making their CLOSE tabs so small no one can find them without a microscope so strong it can differentiate atoms.

As for you websites that allow these obnoxious pop-ups, I understand that you need revenue, but you run the risk of pissing off your readers and losing your audience. And once you have no traffic your sponsors will go away too. So it’s a lose/lose/lose/lose/lose situation.

Just know this: I will never “CLICK HERE TO WIN MY PRIZE”. I will never “CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS”. I will only “CLICK HERE TO HAVE EVERYONE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS KILLED BY MUTANT COWS”.

I feel better now. Thanks.