Random Rants

New Year's Day leftover rants.

Do we say two-thousand-and-ten? Or twenty-ten? Or hell plus one?

Shouldn’t we be living the life of the Jetsons by now? Where’s my flying car that folds up into a suitcase?

CRAZY HEART is worth seeing for Jeff Bridges but it's THE WRESTLER with country music.

What will last longer? My grow light plant or the Jay Leno Show?

Hey Rush Limbaugh, just imagine if you didn’t have health coverage.

Kevin update: He kept his lights on this year so the neighbor's New Year's Eve party was not ruined. Kevin of course was not invited.

I took some heat a couple of years ago for suggesting the NBA had a certain, uh… gangster mentality. On Christmas Eve two Washington Wizard teammates, Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittention drew guns at each other in the locker room. “Hey, that’s my Ben-Gay, motherfucker!”

TV shows are back into production. Would love to have been at the TWO AND A HALF MEN table reading. “Hey, Charlie, what did you do during the break?”

Meanwhile, ratings for TWO AND A HALF MEN held steady last week despite his arrest. It’s just a good thing Charlie and Brooke aren’t members of the Washington Wizards.

Stupid.com’s year end poll concluded that Tiger Woods was only the second stupidest celebrity of the year. Congratulations, Sarah Palin.

It’s become a new sick American tradition – watching New Year’s Rockin’ Eve to see if Dick Clark is back. Cringe in the New Year with ABC. It’s horrifying but you watched, didn’t you? I’m surprised ABC isn’t hinting Dick might appear on UGLY BETTY to help that show’s ratings.

Dick, please, we love you and think you’re courageous but it’s time, buddy.

UGLY BETTY will move to Wednesday night at 10. When a network puts a comedy at 10 it is DEAD. Even up against Leno.

HuffingtonPost Headline that is its own punchline: Pirate Ransom Money May Explain Kenya Property Boom

What are the chances you’ll see Charlie Sheen guest on THE VIEW?

Is there a worse sportscaster than Brent Musberger? To describe him I shall borrow a line he himself used on the Rose Bowl telecast. “To be blunt – the man is a load.”

Other than the BCS Championship, why are there still bowl games left to play? After three weeks of watching meaningless bowl games, who the fuck cares anymore? This is like Fox burning off episodes of TIL DEATH.

This week's Chutzpah Award goes to the TV producer accused of extorting David Letterman. He’s using Tiger Woods as his defense. In court papers filed recently, Robert "Joe" Halderman's lawyer cited published reports that Woods paid an alleged mistress millions of dollars to stay silent. Attorney Gerald Shargel suggested that since the woman hasn't been charged with a crime, Halderman shouldn't be, either. Good luck with that one.

I was loving GREAT BIG RADIO’S week long salute to 1972 until they played “Amazing Grace” on bagpipes. Then I wanted to stand between Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittention and yell “Fire!”

Strangest game in baseball last year. (Thanks to ESPN’s Jayson Stark for the tip.) The Astros and Nationals began the game on May 5 in Washington. It was suspended and resumed July 9 in Houston. The game counted as a May 5th game. But it set up some wacky occurrences. The Astros lost the game on a walk-off hit in their own ballpark. Nyger Morgan scored the winning run for the Nationals supposedly on the same day he got a single for the Pirates. The Nats used eight players that were no longer on the team by the end of the game. It was the highest scoring game in National Park history even though the final run was scored in Houston. And at no time did any player on either team pull a gun.

Fox and Time-Warner settled their retransmission negotiations that held subscribers hostage. Who were you rooting for? It’s like having a favorite in the Iraq-Iran Civil War.

At some point congress is going to get into this and the business model that cable companies fear more than God – ala carte viewing (paying only for the channels you want) may come into being. No more paying for channels you never watch. You can see why the cable giants are opposed to this. As is the Military Channel.

Am I a bad Facebook friend because I don’t join 99% of the groups I’m invited to join? I’m sorry. I don’t want to “Support Carrie Prejean”. And I don’t want to become a fan of “THE CONVEYOR BELT OF LOVE”.

Is TV comedy dead? Last week 6 of the top 10 shows were sitcoms. THE BIG BANG THEORY was the number one show of the week. You'd think they'd get even one Golden Globe or WGA nomination.

Is Gwyneth Paltrow still acting or is she spending all her time blogging and recommending enema treatments?

Tomorrow: a real treat for CHEERS fans.