What I'd do with Conan's money

My dream was never to host THE TONIGHT SHOW. It was for someone to pay me 32 million dollars to go away. So I started thinking, if someone wrote me a check for $32 million to let Jay Leno take over my blog what would I do with the money? Here are some possibilities.

Of course I’d give to Haiti and other deserving causes of my choice (although I do that anyway).

I’d buy my daughter, Annie a teacup pig.

I'd buy enough Sham Wows to keep that guy off the air.

Get an apartment in Manhattan. My lovely wife is a native New Yorker and has always wanted a place in the city where she could go to escape from me.

Get a condo in Maui and finally pursue my dream of fire dancing at the Marriott Hotel luau.

Put a down payment on a new Apple “Tablet”.

Travel with the Dodgers. I do that now from time to time but I have to load and unload all the luggage and drive the team bus. It would be nice to have drinks on the flight instead of just serving them.

Let everybody take my SITCOM ROOM seminar for free.

Get a ’56 T-Bird convertible (white and turquoise of course) and drive around the country searching for hamburger joints that have car service.

Arrange to have a detailed family tree researched and have bobble heads made for each relative.

I’d reconstruct FRASIER’S living room in my house and even opt for the additional expense of a fourth wall.

Buy a theater in Branson, Missouri for Gary Lewis & the Playboys so fans can thrill to their music all year long!

When one of my kids gets married, even though I had already planned on paying for the wedding – have an open bar and not a no-host bar.

Fund the campaign of any politician who vows to get ALMOST PERFECT released on DVD.

Show up at my high school reunion with all the models from DEAL OR NO DEAL.

Visit Bhutan, and not just the tourist sections.

Still not renew my UCLA basketball tickets – not for what they plan on charging starting next year.