Starting a pilot

For years the popular thinking was comedy spec scripts had to be from existing shows. Now producers and agents are asking for spec pilots. Pilots present their own set of problems and traps. Setting up the characters, situation, exposition, story, tone, and comedy in the first few pages is the most daunting task. I’ve had many requests for a sample of a pilot first scene. So here’s one David Isaacs and I wrote and produced for Fox a couple of years ago called SNOBS. Paget Brewster (pictured) played Beverly. Hope this helps, or at least you find amusing.

ESTABLISHING

EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET – SAN MATEO, CALIFORNIA – EARLY MORNING

WORKING-CLASS SUBURB OF SAN FRANCISCO. TRACKING SHOT REVEALING MODEST, TRACT HOMES. FINALLY, WE REACH A HOME LIKE ALL THE OTHERS, ONLY DIFFERENT. MORE ORNATE, MORE MANICURED. THIS IS THE MALLARD HOME.

CUT TO:

INT. DINING ROOM – EARLING MORNING

THE TYPICAL MALLARD BREAKFAST: FINE CHINA SERVICE FILLED WITH BREAKFAST CONDIMENTS (GOOSEBERRY JAM, APPLE BUTTER), LITTLE SERVING SPOONS, PASTRIES, FRESH ORANGE JUICE AND COFFEE. KARL MALLARD, DRESSED FOR WORK, ENJOYS COFFEE AND A SCONE AS HE READS HIS NEW YORK TIMES.

BEVERLY MALLARD ENTERS DRESSED SMARTLY IN A DONNA KARAN SUIT.

BEVERLY
Karl, I don’t have time for a formal breakfast this morning.

KARL
Well, you’re certainly not going to eat a protein bar like some animal. Please, Beverly, sit.

SHE DOES.

BEVERLY
Oh, I suppose I could have a macchiato and a pain au chocolat.

KARL
That’s my girl. We have to keep it civilized in here. Because there’s nothing we can do about (WITH DISDAIN) out there.

BEVERLY
Have faith, honey. Someday we’ll have a home that will live up to our furniture.

KARL
That someday is here, Bev. If tonight’s party goes well, I’m done teaching community college and we’re on our way to… (WITH REVERENCE) Stanford.

BEVERLY
A home in Palo Alto.

KARL
Just think of it. A neighborhood where people park their cars in the garage instead of on the front lawn.

ISABEL MALLARD, 15, ENTERS, CARRYING HER VIOLIN CASE AND HER CAT, HEIFETZ.

ISABEL
Morning.

KARL
Good morning, Isabel.

BEVERLY
What time did you go to bed last night?

ISABEL
I didn’t. (BEAT) You’ll be so proud of me, Daddy. I was practicing my Mendelssohn for your guests this evening.

BEVERLY
But all night? Honey, the therapist said not to put that much pressure on yourself.

ISABEL
But Daddy said it was the most important night of our lives. He told me if I don’t perform this piece perfectly he won’t get the job at Stanford and we’ll be doomed to short brutish lives in this blue collar hell.

KARL
Isabel, that was a “daddy/daughter private talk”.

GORE MALLARD ENTERS. HE’S 12, AND LIKE MOST BOYS HIS AGE, DRESSED IN A TOM WOLFE STYLE VANILLA-COLORED SUIT. AD LIB “GOOD MORNINGS” FROM BEVERLY AND KARL. GORE HANDS THEM EACH A THICK REPORT.

GORE
Here. Read and please respond.

BEVERLY
What is it, Gore?

GORE
35 reasons why Isabel’s cat should be put to death.

ISABEL TAKES A SHEET OF PAPER OUT OF HER NOTEBOOK AND HANDS IT TO GORE.

ISABEL
I anticipated this. My rebuttal.

HE QUICKLY SCANS IT, THEN:

GORE
Unacceptable.

KARL
Children, I won’t have you fighting like this!

BEVERLY
Yes, and I don’t want to see any of this tonight in front of Dr. and Mrs. Shapiro.

KARL
That man holds the future of this entire family in his hands.

ISABEL
I’ll be ready, Daddy.

GORE
What a kiss-ass.

BEVERLY
And Gore, as for you tonight, let’s go over this one more time. People are entitled to their opinions.

GORE
Oh, really? What if our (MAKES AIR QUOTES) “guests” like the Baroque period, or Creationism or “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”?

KARL
We will respect what they say… and make fun of them afterwards.

THE DOORBELL RINGS. KARL CROSSES TO ANSWER IT.

KARL
I’ve gone to great lengths for tonight: the right wine, the right flowers, the right music. Everything will be perfect.

KARL OPENS THE DOOR REVEALING A YOUNG MAN, CLAY, 17. HE’S SCRUFFY, A SLACKER.

CLAY
Are you Karl Mallard?

KARL
Yes. What can I do for you?

CLAY
It’s me. Clay!

KARL
Clay?

CLAY
Your son.

KARL
My son?

CLAY
New Orleans? (BEAT) 1986? (BEAT) How many illegitimate kids do you have?