Summer Movies Preview: Part one

It's time for my annual Summer movies preview!!!! I'm noticing a trend towards youth oriented lightweight fare this year. Maybe it's just me. You decide.

X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE – How Hugh Jackman got his steel fangs. Great action sequence where he tries to put in a contact lens.

TERMINATOR 4: GET OUT OF MY SIGHT LINE – This time they try to kill the Terminator by organizing an impeachment campaign. Stars Christian Bale when he’s not being distracted by inconsiderate incompetent crew people.

DRAG ME TO HELL – Alison Lohman as a callous bank executive who is tortured by a brutal demon. To me this is the feel-good movie of the summer.

UP – A cranky old man (Ed Asner) rigs balloons to his house and flies to South America. And gets there faster than if he flew Delta. It’s a Pixar pic so it’s one of my picks.

ANGELS & DEMONS – Tom Hanks. Prequel to DA VINCI CODE. This time he uncovers Jesus’ early text messages.

STAR TREK – How it all began, before Captain Kirk gained a hundred pounds and became a shill for Priceline.com. Leonard Nimoy stars but not William Shatner. There wasn’t enough velour to make his uniform.

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM: BATTLE OF THE SMITHSONIAN – Ben Stiller with Amy Adams as Amelia Earhart. I wish Amelia had lived and this franchise disappeared.

GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST – A new spin on the single most tired premise in RomCom history -- hire a leading man who is an enemy of comedy. Stars Matthew McConaughey and the lovely but not-exactly-hilarious Jennifer Garner.

THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE – Steven Soderbergh’s look at escort services. Neat way of writing off his “research”.

NOT FORGOTTEN – Simon Baker channels spirits. So it’s a real departure from his role on THE MENTALIST?

THE LIMITS OF CONTROL – A Jim Jarmusch film about a character described as half human/half coyote. Sounds a little mainstream for Jarmusch.

DANCE FLICK – A send-up of dance movies not by the Wayan brothers but by the Wayan brothers’ kids. That could be like going to Frank Sinatra Jr. concert.

MANAGEMENT – Touted as a “mature” romantic comedy. I’m sure ancient star Jennifer Aniston must be thrilled with that description.

EASY VIRTUE – Jessica Biel in an English costume drama based on a Noel Coward play. I like Noel Coward. I don’t like Jessica Biel in costumes.

NEXT DAY AIR – There’s no richer vein for comedy than interstate shipping.

JULIA – Tilda Swinton as a desperate alcoholic. She already won an Oscar so I’m not sure why she took this role.

SUMMER HOURS – Juliette Binoche dealing with her mother’s death. Why should Tilda Swinton win two Oscars when she could?

PONTYPOOL – A radio disc jockey battles a deadly plague. Might be the story of disco or Clear Channel.

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN – Because not enough toys were sold at Burger King with the first one.

LAND OF THE LOST – the 70’s TV show comes to life with Will Ferrell and Dino from the FLINTSTONES.

SOUL POWER – Footage from a 1974 James Brown/B.B. King concert. See it now before all the PBS pledge breaks.

DEATH IN LOVE – Drama about a Jewish woman who falls in love in a concentration camp. I so hope this wasn’t greenlit because THE READER made money.


Part two tomorrow.