Summer Movies Preview: Part three

Here's what's left to see or skip this summer.

(500) DAYS OF SUMMER – non linear RomCom starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel. Sounds promising but I hope they don’t show every day.

BRUNO – Sascha Baron Cohen as a gay Austrian fashion reporter. You’ll probably laugh your ass off even if you hate yourself for it.

THE UGLY TRUTH – RomCom starring Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler. Whenever you see in the studio description “sparks fly” hold your breath. Whenever you see Katherine Heigl in a comedy hold your breath.

G-FORCE – Jerry Bruckheimer feels it’s finally time that he stretches as an artist. No more loud mindless explosionfests. So he produced this live-action/animated/3-D movie about secret agent guinea pigs.

FUNNY PEOPLE – Judd Apatow’s summer entry. Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen play men who never grew up. At least Bruckheimer added 3-D.

JULIE & JULIA – After directing BEWITCHED, MIXED NUTS, and MICHAEL, why is Hollywood letting Nora Ephron even get within ten feet of a iPhone that records video?

TAKING WOODSTOCK – You’ve heard the music. You’ve seen the crowds. But have you explored the homosexuality? Director Ang Lee thinks it’s about time you did. He should rename the film TAKING STOCK OF WOOD.

THE TIME TRAVELER’S WIFE – “Where were you last night and don’t tell me the Middle Ages, you bastard!”

DISTRICT 9 – Extraterrestrials arrive in the 1980s. They stock up on slap bracelets and Judy Blume books and leave.

THE BOAT THAT ROCKED – Now pushed back to August 28th. I think Hollywood is making a big mistake. Audiences don’t want to see the Terminator or Wolverine. They want to see a pirate radio station off the coast of England in the 60s. Sure to be the hit of the last day of summer.

G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA – Movie based on Barbie for boys. Look for sequels: MALIBU G.I. JOE, and SKIPPER G.I. JOE.

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS – Quentin Tarentino’s World War II epic about an elite Jewish fighting squad sent behind Nazi enemy lines. Imagine the “Dirty Dozen” as the “Mother F’ing Minyan”.

THE GOODS; LIVE HARD, SELL HARD – Jeremy Piven, in a real departure for him, plays a sleazy used car salesman. It’ll be interesting to see if audiences accept him in such an unfamiliar role.

WORLD’S GREATEST DAD – Robin Williams, directed by Bobcat Goldthwait. I can’t imagine Bobcat ever giving the note, “Do a little less here.”

H2 – a.k.a. HALLOWEEN 2. This time the slasher hands out Hola Pops with high levels of lead.